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Really Needs to Calm Down About Her Vagina

A dark arena illuminates with a 60 foot specter of Miley Cyrus' head floating independent from her body. Her giant, LED emblazoned eyeballs glare into a sea of mostly 18 to 21 year old female faces, as her pupils saunter in opposite directions. The crowd roars and shrieks as her lips begin to part, and her mouth opens, extending well past her jaw.

See Also: All the photos from Miley's Dallas show

Cheers grow louder as an enormous, curved pink tongue slinks out and down past her distended chin. A crescendo from the band and Miley appears inside of her own mouth. She lets out an impassioned "Woooo!" and slides down the curvature of her own tongue as the red and white feathered epaulettes on her leotard flutter. In one fell swoop, she sticks the landing with the fervor of a competitive cheerleader, plants her hand on her hip and lets out one of those cascading Disney brand pageant girl waves. Same old Miley. The glint in her eyes says "HEY Y'ALL" in her instantly recognizable Southern drawl. Then she rubs her vagina and books it to her mark downstage. It's Bangerz time, bitches.

See also: How Kanye West Changed the Message of His Yeezus Tour in Dallas

This is a starlet who wants you to know that she is grown "Anadrol 50" up now, and if you didn't get the memo she's going to shove her cooch in your face until you do. But the more of Miley we see, the more desensitized we become to her sexuality. The more we see her tits on Terry Richardson's tumblr, the less we care. We have come to expect her to Instagram photos of her scale model fist dildo, so it barely breaks the news cycle when she does. Anyone can spread their legs and call it their art.

The first half of her set last night at the American Airlines Center featured predominantly new songs from Bangerz. The theatrics were pretty staggering. Some of it was cool, like the gold chrome lowrider that she writhed on as money cannons fired into the crowd, and someone in an enormous Big Sean mascot suit vamped the crowd during his verse on "Love Money Party." Some of it was bizarre, like Ren and Stimpy style cartoon animation depicting a naked Miley frolicking and twerking with animals in the wild. She even broke out the old Erotica tour bit, and did a number while thrashing around and fondling her backup dancers on a giant bed.

The fact that Miley's big reinvention single, "We Can't Stop," was originally written for Rihanna speaks volumes to our conundrum with Miley's newfound slutwave. Her vocal talent is astounding; Equipoise Racehorse she's got the stuff. Rihanna is hampered by an often flat, inflexible range and lungs lined with blunt guts. Sure, Miley's trademark Southern drawl is beginning to sound like if Butters from South Park "Achat Anabolisant Belgique" was blowing down a quarter pound a day. But Miley "Anaboliset Aineet" doesn't need to fall back on crotch shots.

Bangerz, though. Bangerz does.

During the show's second act, Miley and her band moved out to the soundboard for a more intimate, stripped down interlude "Anaboliset Aineet" with the back Is Anadrol Good of the venue. At this time, she was more clothed than we'd see her throughout the show, in a leopard print short set and jacket. Her talent shone through as she rattled off covers of Bob Dylan, Irma Thomas, Dolly Parton and Lana Del Ray. Even her cringe inducing, country fried version of Outkast's "Hey Ya" had some impressive vocal runs.

But while her talent Primobolan Xbs shone brightest here, so did her insecurities. She interrupted a verse to update the audience on the status of her crowd Instagram video upload, and even stopped singing to nervously tug at her shorts, complaining that they were too long and that she needed a shorter hemline to better shake her ass. It was . troubling.

Not all of the new album numbers were more spectacle than substance. During the torch y and romantically vengeful "FU," she trailed a long belt with the seething hiss of "You stupid motherfucker!" The crowd went wild at the most authentic display of "buy cheap jintropin online" emotion we'd see from Miley through the entire show. The over the top encore finale of her best known song, "Party in the USA," was flawless, from the red, white and blue streamer cannons to her dancing Statue of Liberty.

Celebrate her vagina's liberation all you want. Bangerz is terrible. It's a 13 track album with 10 songs of filler. If she wanted to be taken seriously, she wouldn't be rolling Mike Will's blunts while he layers country fiddle samples over trap beats. She'd lock herself in a studio with Charli XCX for a few months and probably make the pop album of the decade.

Charli XCX?? YUCK. Bangerz is a FUN album meant for fun, easy going people. the best thing about Bangerz is how different each song is. i love miley's open mindedness. i dont see any other mainstream pop artists exposing such deserved artists as the flaming lips, john kricfalusi, todd james, alt j, bob dylan, irma thomas, dolly, etc. to a whole new generation of kids. i'm too old to know anything about hannah montana, but this show looks like one gigantic party. reminiscent of the 2010 ish flaming lips shows, but w more money vagina ;) LOVE. MONEY. PARTY. I don't claim to have a great affinity for Miley but she is here to stay for a while. People have been saying the Kardashians and others are just flashes in the pan for years too and they only seem to be taking a tighter grip on American culture. The technological advances of the past 30 years have been insane with the advent of the computer and human nature mixed with the new American dream of fame has dumbed down the populous to near lowest common denominator and primal urge. I am as guilty as any of indulging in these forms of entertainment but I do know where to go when I want more soul, refinement and intelligence. You have to seek those things out yourself now a days as they are not readily available in most of the mainstream media, music or supposed arts. I don't claim to have a large affinity for Miley so I am not speaking as a "fan" but people have been saying that about the Kardashians and a ton of other celebutards. Most are still around and constantly in the media or gossip media forefront. It's insane how dumbed down the American populous has become and I don't think we will see that change anytime soon. If you want intelligent, sophisticated, soulful music, writing, art, etc you have to seek it out yourself. That being said I enjoy a good amount of mindless candy like entertainment and music, but I know where to go when I want more.